8 years ago I brought Charles to life.
I simply told my boyfriend that he couldn't not be a father in his life. Then, when he was ready (before, no, I so wanted to be whole with my first child), we prepared ourselves to be in the best possible health to welcome him.
Two blessings during her pregnancy: discovering yoga for pregnant women and self-hypnosis. My yoga sessions allowed me to connect with my baby and be so touched by him. I thanked life every time we sang this Indian poem that enveloped our little ones in gentleness and love, right to the center of our bellies. These pauses opened wide onto this wonderful bond that must be carved out and imposed during a second pregnancy. Thus, such an exceptional world was being built during my preparations for self-hypnosis. Having previously experienced neurolinguistic programming, it seemed logical to me to believe in the teaching that guided me. Alone, I would lie down under our gazebo every day of the summer to close my eyes and follow this voice (Hypnovie sessions created by a local doctor who delivers his mothers this way) and quietly trace a path to my dream place, bypassing the painful passages. I was just following and practicing these new paths and waking up, once my sessions were over (45-50 minutes later) deeply fulfilled, serene, in front of colors that I did not see otherwise, yet those surrounding me. I withdrew for these sweet preparations with this joy of reconnecting each time with my little one deep inside me and of remaining close to him all this time.
We owe it to ourselves so much. To take care of ourselves and our child. To prepare for their arrival. To honor this sacredness. We do it so well elsewhere. So why lose this wonder in favor of moving too fast? Yet by taking the time and the care, we arrive at the same place.
And so, on September 24, 2009, at sunrise, I gently woke my lover: "It's today." My parents will watch over Louis, who is 5 years older, until he joins us at the baby-friendly hospital.
In the car, a new audio prepared me for the event while staying connected to my loved one. What a beautiful day, with a warm, early autumn sun. Arriving and settled in my room, I reassured my partner: "You can go for a walk, have a coffee, I'm really well." I suggested the same to the doctor, to leave me alone with my hypnosis, because I really am. I was able to pass the time and prepare for the birth following my beautiful path to my dream place with my loved ones, avoiding the pain. I lost track 20 minutes from the end without being able to catch up, but I was already there, the labor had been happily accomplished. In the old-fashioned and natural way, our son arrived without the influence of any medication. They were given to me afterward, only to me, rather in all my states, as history and nature designed it! I then asked Dad, right next to me, to hold his baby on him, skin-to-skin, and that's how our love was reassured. Now that I was calm, I wanted to feed him and wrap him up.
Our life continued like this: baby and I completed a half-year theater tour. My parents were backstage with him during my time on stage and when they were experienced enough, my actor friends took over laughing with my child behind the curtain. And we traveled around Quebec and formed strong bonds. He would forget them a few years later when Dad wanted to replace me to tell the story and keep night watch. I smile when my Charles looks at me perplexed if I affirm that I had this role with him to appreciate each evening and night.
As I wrote to him in his birthday card, I love discovering who he is and who is becoming, this unique inventor, this friend and big brother with a tender and laughing heart. I see us again years earlier, alone in the hotel room after a performance, when I only had to be with him and marvel. I also hear myself raging when he was a baby at all those who suggested abandoning him so that I could sleep through the night. This is how, in a surge of heart, "Breathe Happiness" was born because I wanted a benevolent echo to this way that was not mine. I wanted to bring together these parents with easy comfort, and when I look at our benevolent child today, I trace his kindness to the love that one cannot give too much.
Happy birthday my great love. I love you so much.
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