I write to record it and remind myself of it.
I'm not perfect and baby reminds me of that.
I let myself get caught up in an email, in a thought, in the more boisterous children at my side... and instead of responding to the smile of my baby who is looking at me with this incredible presence, his gaze plunged into my absent one, because caught up in this email, this thought, by my task to accomplish...
I feel terrible about it because he's getting agitated in turn, reminding me to calm down.
Our children are our mirrors, as I wrote in "Breathing Happiness." When our children are in crisis, it's good to look at ourselves because too often, we make them that way.
Every time I calmed down and looked into my child's eyes, he calmed down in turn, a little surprised by this sudden attention which fills him with what he needs.
So I confessed to Jonathan that I felt bad, that it was my fault, that I didn't want to walk away like that anymore. I calmed down to calm him down in turn.
We do our best, but how painful it is to have given attention to a thought instead of responding to my baby's smile.
Our babies, and then our children, teach us to be here, now, and to appreciate life. Jonathan was right to be calm and open to life in front of an adult preoccupied with a thought or a task at hand.
My main thing if I die next week is to be calmly (breathing deeply) here with him in the happiness he reminds me of.
Photo: Stéphanie Lefebvre
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