BECOMING A PARENT -- ANOTHER WAY TO SEE AND PREPARE FOR THE GIFT OF LIFE
BEING AND STAYING A PARENT IN THE CATHODE RAY AGE
Danièle Starenkyj©2015 www.publicationsorion.com
The basic arithmetic of humanity since the dawn of time has been a man and a woman, a father and a mother. That should be more than enough. And, even without having to resort to science that proves it indubitably, who cannot acquiesce to the reality of an exponential complexity with painful consequences every time one adds to this simple calculation?
And now, in the 21st century, alarmed observers have denounced and condemned the presence, in the life of the child, from birth to adulthood, of a "third cathode parent 2." They described this "parent" as insidiously penetrating the psychic intimacy of our children with the commercial aim of arousing in them addictive behaviors (tobacco, alcohol, sex, drugs, junk food, etc.), behavior or purchases with devastating health effects (obesity, sedentary lifestyle, attention deficit disorder, behavioral disorders, violence, etc.). A third parent as evil as that? But who is it?
1950 was a pivotal year in modern civilization . Among other things, television quickly became a household staple. By 1962, 75% of American homes had televisions. Today, more than 99% of American households own at least one centrally located set for easy access. Television time dictates mealtimes, bedtime, and homework time.
The screen, we can read, has become a universal medium. Omnipresent – not only in the living room, but also in the kitchen, and in every bedroom4, in the car, in the workshop – we can no longer ignore that it is “a major factor of socialization” that “dominates the lives of children in electrified urban and rural areas throughout the world5.”
The list of negative effects of the "picture box," and indeed, of all electronic media on the mental and physical well-being of children, is long. In 2006, Waldman of Cornell University added autism to this blacklist, with television being a triggering factor in predisposed individuals. 6 But what really saddens me deeply is this third-parent role that she is touted for...
Certainly, on today's giant screen - in the past we called it the small screen - we talk, move, bombard the young viewer with colors, shapes, and information. The screen is intended to be educational to the highest degree, stimulating, and offering an "enriched" environment from the first months of life. The promises of the proponents of television education are very tempting: the baby will be an Einstein. Ahead of all other children, he will arrive at kindergarten already knowing how to read, he will pass his baccalaureate at 14, and... No, the reality is that the more hours of television the child has ingested, the more likely he is to leave school without any diploma 7. It is truly unavoidable, "diligence, intelligence, reading, language, attention and imagination do not emerge unscathed from the cathode ray current8."
On the contrary, numerous studies prove that the development of the child – just like that of laboratory rats – requires, to be optimal, an abundance of human sensory stimulation : the child needs to be looked at affectionately in the eyes; to be touched, caressed, carried; to be noticed, listened to attentively without any other distractions 9. This kind of interaction can only occur between two humans in the presence of each other. It alone then allows the creation of “several thousand billion additional intercellular connections10” in the brain of the child.
Why? The great truth forgotten by our society, addicted and hypnotized by "the hook-up drug11" is that "the brain does not organize itself by observing - by televising - reality, but by acting on it12." The interaction of the subject - the child - with his environment - his parents, his siblings - is a source of knowledge and acquisition of skills specific to humans who possess a brain with infinite possibilities. Human skills are not acquired by passive observation but always by active practice. Come on! Do you learn to draw by simply watching someone draw? Do you become a tennis pro by watching tennis matches on TV or a virtuoso pianist by simply listening to young prodigies?
Researchers are now talking about a "video deficit." What do they mean? I quote: "If you put a child in front of a TV, they may sometimes learn something, but that something will always be significantly less than what they would have learned from actual interaction with their environment."13
I jump. There isn't a child on this earth who needs a third parent, especially if that third parent is a screen—even if it's flat, giant, and in high definition—that doesn't answer when they call, that remains indifferent when they smile, that doesn't turn their head when they wave, that doesn't stop talking when they try to stammer out a few words. Since when can learning to communicate be wonderful in "the cold indifference of a speaker who is both deaf and blind"?
The simplest mother reacts when her child acts. When he tries to say a word, she encourages him, then smiles, and exclaims with bravos. She establishes a rapport with her child, follows his development, adapts to it, responds enthusiastically. It is intrafamily sociability that is the engine of the child's growth. The television is a thief of family time. It reduces parent-child interactions. It affects the quality of attention that parents pay to their child. Think about it, the television prevents the child from speaking, and if it is on four hours a day, it deprives the child of all the words that his father could say to him if it were silent. 14 " However, the number of words heard and spoken before the age of 3 is a major indicator of future linguistic and cognitive performance. " 15 Since language is predictive of intelligence, this is chilling.
It was Christmas, the family holiday. Parents, did you spend it with your children without any television interference? We can, in our daily lives, during precious moments, throw out the "third parent on TV." May your interpersonal exchanges not be interrupted in any way by sound or visual peaks that always distract and divert attention from the present moment, the enchanting moment when we can say, make others feel, prove to them that they are unique in the world to us. Because love is always necessarily the time we freely give to our child, our spouse, the beggar.
To all of you people of good will, Happy New Year!
Danièle Starenkyj ©2015 publicationsorion.com
1. Starenkyj D., Reflections for a Better Life, Orion, 2015.
2. The information and quotes are taken from the book by Michel Desmurget, doctor of neuroscience and research director at INSERM (France), TV Lobotomie, Max Milo Éditions, Paris, 2011. Cathodic: in the figurative sense -- relating to television as a medium, means of expression.
3. These figures now apply to all developed countries. In Africa, UNESCO reports a penetration rate of close to 85%.
4. In the United States, 70% of children ages 8 and older have a television in their bedroom.
5. Desmurget M., TV Lobotomy, p. 50.
6. Waldman M., Does Television Cause Autism? NBER Working Paper No. 12632. Published October 2006.
7. Desmurget M., TV Lobotomy, p.183.
8. Desmurget M., TV Lobotomy, p. 132.
9. Campbell R., How to Really Love Your Child, Orion, 2012.
10. Desmurget M., TV Lobotomy, p. 158
11. Winn M., The Plug-in-Drug, Penguin Group, 2002.
12. Desmurget M., TV Lobotomy, p.160.
13. Desmurget M., TV Lobotomy, p.164.
14. Desmurget M., TV Lobotomy, p.176.
15. Desmurget M., TV Lobotomy, p. 175.
Photo credit: Marïphotographie
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